Rebirth of Slick

It's been awhile since I have blogged, Brian Swain your blogs awakening has inspired me a little. But, I have been wanting to get back into the blogging game, but had simply nothing to discuss. There is nothing interesting about work, study, sleep, play; however, doing mindless calculations day after day has me feeling like my creativity is being watered down day after day, and the sad thing is... I have let it. Lack of motivation and apathy had never been problems until college, but last night, I realized something. After giving this dude a broner over my shoulders and physique, this bro approached me and demanded why I don't play sports... I had no answer for that. I tell people that competitive sports is behind me, but that's not true. I am scared to fail at something I have always been successful in. Shit changes and you have to adapt, if not you will run hypotheticals through your head and be haunted by the glory days. It's about time to pull my head out of my ass and be passionate, sitting back and letting things happen haven't gotten me anything. Let this be the rebirth.

Looking Back...

Sorry to all my followers for the inactivity on my blog. When I say I am sorry to my followers, I mean I am sorry Swain, but for some reason I have a strong urge to blog. I am laying here in my bed at 1 am. My house in Vancouver is silent and everything is still. I feel as I pound away at the keys of my laptop, there is the possibility of me waking up my entire family. It is a Friday night and I am home and in bed completely sober. I have not had a Friday night where I haven’t been “funified” (that’s for you Rabbit Slayer) in quite awhile. I am laying here, unable to sleep because of all the various thoughts running through the head. When I left Pullman for the six hour car ride to Vancouver, I only could think of one thing: Pullman.
You can knock on Pullman for being in the middle of nowhere, but who would have thought such a small town could be that important to me. In just one year, Pullman has introduced me to new people, began to show me who I really am, and has given me an idea what the hell I want to do with my life. I am truly blessed to have spent an entire year at Washington State and to have had the experiences I had. Seeing everything WSU has done for me in my first year, it has gotten me truly excited for next year and the years following, where the cluster kids and I can enjoy each other’s company outside of Joe Choi’s and Stimson’s watchful eyes.
Though dorm life has had its ups and downs, I cannot knock it completely. Like Arne mentioned in his latest post, the dorms have given me an opportunity to begin friendships that I can see last a lifetime. I love the cluster kids and everything we experienced. Whether it be first semester enjoying the arguments of Jonny and Brendan, playing flag football and getting our ass kicked by the Mushy Jams in the playoffs, and just the overall experience of having Brian Swain as a roommate, or even second semester, with addition of Jeff Hanes and Ellie and the incorporation of Haley and Lindsay, it has been a blast. I loved every second of it, even DJ BJ’s line: BLOW UP.
The last month of school was probably the best month of the school year. Things really began to fall in place. As I packed this week, or as I should say, as my mom packed my stuff today in my dorm, I began to feel something that I felt when I initially left Vancouver for Pullman. I felt a sense of leaving my comfort zone, and the sense of time just running at a pace that I could not keep up with. Sadly enough, I grew attached to Stimson as a home, and it really saddened me to see all the posters off the wall and the couch not on milk crates. But, what is more of a bummer is the fact that time is not slowing down. Sadly friends, we are one year removed from high school and if you look at life daily you really notice no change from day to day, but if you look back to August or even to last month, a ton has changed. Don’t let time consume you, enjoy the moment because I know I am enjoying mine.

Just A Friend

So I realize, the song “Just a Friend” by Biz Markie has nothing to do with being turned down and told that they are just a friend, but listening to that song, it’s hard for that idea not to pop into your head. Last week when I was studying in the library, Biz Markie’s words sent me back to a time where I was just a friend, those days of just being head over heels for a girls but not being able to do anything about it. Well either way this one is for anyone who has been told that they are just a friend, guys and girls…

Let me start of by saying there is no greater fear in life than rejection, for me at least. Sometimes we live our life with that fear constantly on your mind. It’s rough because when it comes to girls or relationships, confidence goes a long way. It’s tough to be confident when your biggest fear is indeed rejection.

What’s an easy way to get around this fear? Maybe striking a friendship of some sort. However, when doing this, you set yourself up to walk the slippery slope of being in the friend zone. I am not saying being in the friend zone is bad, but if you fall into the friend zone with someone of interest it’s like going to a concert and to see Justin Timberlake, only to find out it’s only going to be Joey Fatone (probably the most worthless member of N*Sync). Either way, there is great disappointment when falling into that bottomless pit of the friend zone.

But who knows, maybe you can stay positive and dig yourself out of the hole and start trying to make baby steps towards something more. You can try various tactics, such as the little by little distancing yourself, in attempt to maybe spark something in that person of interest, maybe make them miss you or realize how important you are to them, but usually that does not work because you are just too crazy about the person, and you cannot handle not interacting with that person just because you care that much and because you are just drawn in. It is vicious when you really think about it. How much you care for someone can really just end up hurting you more.

Either way very few make that jump out of the friend zone, which is truly baffling to me. People in the friend zone usually have to listen to that person of interest complain about how they can’t find a decent person, or someone that liked them. Friends have to listen to this and throw their feelings to the side and try and offer unbiased suggestions to keep the comfort level, when in reality an interested friend may just want to slap the person complaining and open their eyes to what they have.

Honest to God, what is really the key to relationships? For shallow hook-ups, I guess physical appearance is key. Attraction matters more than anything else. Of course attraction is important in any relationship though. I just find it hilarious, when hearing examples from my friends and other instances, that when looking for relationships, they strive to find something “new”. I find that to be a flawed view. Nothing stays new for long. Friends offer something that is familiar, but it’s funny that all things in a sense become familiar. I believe that even the transition from friendship to a relationship is indeed something “new” because it breaks that pattern of familiarity of being just friends, but at the same time it’s nice to have that familiarity as time passes. When passion slowly fades as a relationship continues, what does it begin to look like? Hmmm, looks like a friendship.

That’s why it is baffling to me that some friendships never make that jump to romantic relationships because essentially a relationship is an intimate friendship. And in the long run, I want that person, I can count on. I want to know a person’s true colors and not have some girl’s inner skank bite me in the ass later (haha calm down that was a joke), but honestly I rather know a person and know that if and when all that passion disappears, I can enjoy hanging out with the person without having to resort to physical acts to keep us entertained.

Either way friends, how many bad relationships must you painfully have to witness and pretend to support, until you get your chance? That answer is maybe never, so honestly if you’re fed up, don’t wait around and be that safety net. You can’t allow your optimism to hold you back, get out there because they definitely are.

The First Time

In life you only get one opportunity for a first time. You only get one first kiss, one first relationship, one first semester of college, etc. You really hold a special place in your heart for all those things or experiences you can coin as "your first." Along with all those things I believe your first car should be held in that soft spot of you heart... Well it will for me I guess.

For weeks my parents had been stringing me along telling me that when I come home for spring break in a couple weeks, the Buick (who has been in the shop since Thanksgiving Break) would be fixed. Not only would it be fixed, but ready to make the trek to Pullman and provide me with another 3+ years of memories in college.

That was all a lie. Deep down I knew the Buick was dead and had been since Thanksgiving, but I was in denial. I was still in denial a couple hours ago and optimistic, until I skyped with my parents and told me that it's done.

Hearing the words "it's done" has been ringing in my head for hours. Since that conversation with my parents I have been doing what is commonly done when good things for you come to an end... Reminisce.

I will miss that white, peeling paint that made it resemble a boat. I will miss that spacious interior that included the bench seats in the front. I will miss that drooping roof that annoyingly touched the top of my head. It's funny that when you don't have something you loved so much, you even begin to miss and appreciate everything, even the flaws. I will miss riding around in it blasting music, feeling like I was straight out of GTA San Andreas" (Direct quote from Aaron Bagherpour after riding in the Buick for the first time).

Overall, I will just miss the Buick. I will never get to have another first car, and I am glad that you were my first. We had some good times, and they will never be forgotten. I cant't help but feel with the death of the Buick, is the death to an era of my life. RIP Buick and the era you represent, hello new era...

There Is No Point To This

Dear Magikarp,

This post has nothing to do with anything just letting you know I am still alive. I have just been up to my neck in shit I have to do that is why I cannot post something "deep and with a point." I just finished my five page English paper in an hour. I find it hilarious that every teacher claims they can tell when you write a paper a day before and your grade will reflect that... except that has yet to happen. Maybe I am getting a little cocky, but I just feel that some things never change, in English at least.

Speaking of writing, blogspot has been adding new bloggers almost daily. It's crazy three weeks ago this was almost unheard of, but three weeks later it's the new cool thing to do. Either way, I am excited to see what new perspectives will be shared on the internet. Hopefully people stay in their element.

Oh so get this, today we found a five bedroom house to live in next year, and it was weird because there is only four of us, but we needed an extra person for that fifth bedroom. Hmmmm I wonder who would have fit that perfectly?

Oh wait that's right you are not here. In many ways, I wish you were still here. With Beej and Ben Moore's bromance and Brian Reidy as ghost... it's just weird.

Anyways man, I am done with my break. I need to start this take home test. Just letting you know my blogging career is not dead since you are my biggest fan. Thursday expect a post with some meaning. And I know you're pumped because it's not a SHARED theory of you and I, or at least not yet.

Blame It On The Goose, Got You Feeling Loose

So there have been many times I have gone to class on a Monday and heard people’s weekend perils. A popular phrase I hear seems to be, “Oh wow, I was so gone that night” or “What I did that? Get out of here” or my personal favorite “I only did that because I was drunk.” Being a three day weekend, my Tuesday classes and Wednesday classes were no exceptions. As people get older, it’s usually expected that we, as young adults, begin to take responsibility for our actions, whether we are proud of them or not, but it seems that my logic is mistaken. I thought we left the days of passing blame to people on the playground. Our new scapegoat is not a person though; however, our new scapegoat is alcohol.

I am sick and tired of people using alcohol as an excuse for whatever actions they do under the influence. I flirted with this topic a little bit in my controversial piece titled “My Theory,” but decided to save it. It’s quite funny to see how people act as soon as some alcohol gets in there system. People figure when they consume alcohol all their morals go out the window and whatever they do is fair game. Seeing what people do drunk though, tells you more about the person any sober acts can. It’s kind of like that notion your parents taught you when you were younger, “to always act like you are in the presence of your mom.” I am pretty sure if there would be some greatly disappointed mothers out there if they truly saw how their children act.

When no one is “watching” the truth comes out and nothing helps the truth come out like a couple shots of vodka, a couple cups of Caribou Lou, or shot-gunning Busch Light. If anything when we are sober, we filter out what we say and tone down who we really are. People turn to alcohol use as an opportunity to open up. People do or say things that when they are drunk they would never dream to say about sober because they have that safety net. That safety net of drunkness allows random hookups, controversial rants, etc. because the next morning if you regret it, you can always use that lame excuse of an excuse that you were drunk . Even if you don’t regret your actions, you can use your drunkness as an excuse for being a complete ass.

Just like the things you say aren’t random, drunk dials or texts aren’t random as well. Again, drunkness is an excuse to be open, no matter the means of communication. Technology is just another way to express how you truly feel. Those who lie and say they randomly called or texted you is a liar. Usually there is some sort of agenda and reason you are being contacted. Either you have done them wrong and they want to tell you did, or they care about you and don’t have the courage to admit that when sober. It’s quite funny that our true moments of honesty and purity is when we “don’t remember.” It’s scary how much this world would make sense if we just we spoke our minds like we did when drunk. Relationships could begin earlier, cutting out all the BS and build-up, you know that fun stuff. You also wouldn’t have those fake friends and would tell people what you really thought.

However, nobody wants to put how they truly feel out there. Nobody wants to be vulnerable, so they mask their real feelings. Alcohol is just a socially accepted way to put yourself out there, so know that actions aren’t really random when under the influence. Those actions are genuine to how the person really feels inside and exposes those feelings because they can hide behind that cloak of alcohol if they felt too vulnerable. I guess you can view blogging as my alcohol, an outside thing forcing and encouraging me to make myself vulnerable by sharing my thoughts. So, I hope all of us will be able to find a better outlet than alcohol to expose our feelings; however, if you remain to choose alcohol as a way to open up, don’t talk about how you regretted the way you opened up, embrace it because that’s how you feel and who you are.

Stimson, The Abstinent Dorm

After my friend Haley's post (ohtheweatheroutsideisweather.blogspot.com), I have noticed more how college in a way promotes safe but still pre-marital sex. Any kind of promotion of pre-marital sex is unheard of to my Catholic High School virgin ears. Exposure to sex is inevitable in college. It waits for you on the corners of the streets of Greek Row. It's present at every party I have atteneded. Even the all girls hall of Regents gives their residents free condoms like it's candy. I am curious to why all guy dorms, oh such as Stimson don't offer the same perks? This question has dawned on me since reading Haley's post, yet today my curiosity was satisfied.
Over the weekend my friend in Stimson got written up for ummm, well having sex in the shower of his room. Hearing this surprised me because I have heard stories and even witnessed the bathrooms of Stimson being used as the venue of choice. Hell I feel like more girls have been tagged in my cluster bathroom, then tags of a city billboard, courtesy of Jonny Gannon. As if hiding and covering up alcohol use from our RAs wasn't enough, but girls when in Stimson cover your mouths.
I guess I am taking this opportunity to say thank you Stimson for allowing me to hold on to something I learned from Catholic school... No sex, in the bathrooms at least.